personal

Now I’m wondering what I started?

/ autumncircles / 1 Comment

I wanted to enter into an agreement with myself and the universe about writing as much as I can every day. So, I started this blog.

Then I made the mistake of wondering about protecting the work that I produce here. How do I stop folks from stealing it? Not that I think what I write will be in such high demand, but apparently after reading many other posts – that’s just what people do. They steal other folks’ blogs.

All of the sudden my new home to freely express myself has become a place of potential danger and fear.

Will it stop me from writing? I hope not.

There are things I want to write about, opinions I want to express that my daily life has no room for, and stories only I can tell.

Like the one about the little girl who only remembers her older brother’s face from the few moments before they closed the coffin lid. And how she let that affect her entire life.

Or the one about the same girl who felt the presence of what could only be described as God so profoundly it was almost tangible. And then she turned away from it for the next twenty-five years.

There’s the many stories about the woman she became that raced through life, used many means possible to escape the empty pit inside, and found the beauty again through the eyes of her own children and numerous dark nights of the soul.

When not binge-feeding on angst, I have a fairly wicked sense of humor not only about things that happen around me but also those that happen to me. Wait until you hear the one about my video urodynamic screening! What a hoot that day was!

But, before I can do that, I have to wrestle the demon fear once again and trust that I am protected in the universe. Those who are supposed to read my works, will. And those who intend to steal it will eventually have their own karmic demons to fight.

Not to mention, I have write a very clear copyright statement (see “Copyright Notice” page).

A little about me

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Clearly Autumn Circles is a pseudonym. My real name is Kathleen and I live in the North Texas region. But Autumn Circles does describe me at my core. It is also from a haiku written about me, by me.

Why the need on only my second post to tell you who I am? Two-fold: to hold myself accountable for the work I disseminate into the universe and not totally hide behind a pseudonym to freely write what I want.

I love to write. I am constantly writing. Sometimes it is pen to paper or words filling the air in an intimate dialog. But the most common way is with a keyboard into the very sterile digital world of my personal computer. And there it stays. On rare occasions have I shaken off the sheep’s garment to let my wolf roam wild and free.

My aspirations of publication have peaked and waned over the years, and finally, finally I got tired of waiting for the right time to devote to getting traditionally published. Hence, my entrance into the world of blogs.

I know there are millions of us out there typing our way into someone else’s internet connection and I am simply glad to be among the crowd.

Wolves are an endangered species and quite often misunderstood.

This is my way of expanding the pack and dispelling the myths I hold over myself.

If someone else reads it and relates – yeah! If no one else ever stumbles across it, at least I know I howled at the moon while I still had a voice.

Peace.

Welcome another voice.

/ autumncircles / 1 Comment

As I sit here in my makeshift writing room that used to be our kitchen dining area contemplating what my first post should be, I am also looking out the window at our two children playing in the backyard. They have big sticks and are clearly off in some made up world of their own. Climbing and traversing far away lands in their minds on broken down swing equipment and overgrown grass – they have no concept of the evils of time nor should they.

I, on the other hand, am a slave to the tyrant master Time. Even now, I feel as though I am stealing time away from our children. Or my husband. Or the laundry. It’s a calm Sunday evening and my brainwashed psyche is desperately trying to convince me that I don’t deserve time to write what is in my heart much less a blog of my own. The light that is my own has been trying to break through for years only to be extinguished in a shame filled rush of unworthiness.

Today I challenge Time in an unusual way – by letting it go.

For now.