Another Day

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It was another day of fighting the urge to join the negative voices and beliefs.

Imagine you knew a person who spent over a decade working in jobs she didn’t necessarily like or have a connection with as far as alignment with her life’s purpose. Then imagine that she finally searched deep within to find the resolve that she deserved to be happy the way her soul had intended when it picked this life. Once she began to believe that, she found small ways to live that. Those small ways began to build and grow into larger life altering changes to keep herself in synch with her true nature.

Finally this person took a leap of faith and changed from a job to a career – risking financial ruin and marital emotional breakdown. Her faith was strong and although finances and relationships were challenging, she stayed the course and all played out to survivable results. Basic financial needs continued to be met and the marriage came out stronger for having weathered the commitment.

After beginning to relax into this new faith-filled and faith-received life style, this person developed a new level of confidence and trust in the universe. She began to believe that it truly is all or nothing. She realized and began living that it couldn’t be that the universe coordinated one event to the exception of another. All that happened was exactly what was supposed to happen.

All that happens is exactly what is supposed to happen.

Then, changes she did not pray for and seek spiritual guidance to achieve began to occur. The career she had begun putting more faith in than the life purpose came under dire threat. The reality that the career may shift, morph, alter or down right go away was beginning to become clearer and clearer. This caused her to be afraid, very afraid, of what might happen to her. Again, it was more of a fear of losing what she had come to perceive as what her purpose was.

Then, thank goodness, the universe continued to reveal exactly what it is supposed to reveal.

This person heard her best friend tell a story about her life purpose without having any idea it that it was actually reminding our heroine of her own.

You see, years ago, before she lost the belief that it was okay to express what was in you heart even if it sounded hokey, this person would tell anyone who listened what she believed she could achieve in this life with the gifts and talents she had been given. It wasn’t ever fame and fortune, although that is what most of her friends wanted. It wasn’t ever high exaltation and ultimate praise, which is what was expected for those on her chosen path.

It was simply to touch another’s heart and help them experience this life with some sort of connection with another just like them – human.

Today, although it is painful to look at the reality that the career I have tried to develop over the last two years may revise itself into something I have no idea about, at the end of the day, I have to remember that the career isn’t my life’s purpose. Writing this blog isn’t my life’s purpose. Even raising my children isn’t my life’s purpose. They are all simply things I do in this life.

My life’s purpose is simply to share this universe with the other parts of my self and honor our connection by remembering peace in every step.

If I can remember that, I will not have to struggle with anything that happens.

Losing regularity

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Not sure how long I thought I could actually keep up writing something here every night, but it lasted a little over two weeks. It appears as though the IBS that rules my intestines also affects my writing discipline, too. Depending on the trigger, I struggle to contend with either constipation or diarrhea – both of which can be incredibly painful and attack like a silent ninja.

Finding the right balance of stool softener or imodium for the creative talents is just as frustrating. Opening up a portal to self-publish to the world (whether or not anyone actually reads it) jump started my activity to writing almost anything. But one long day working in the realm that exists outside this digital world stopped almost all ability to push forth any new thoughts.

It seems that I have more evidence to backup my belief that I will continue to recreate patterns in my life to heal.  Who could have guessed that a fourth degree laceration during child birth and subsequent issues would parallel so well with the deeper parts of my creative struggle?

I don’t want this to become just a daily journal. Not that my daily existence isn’t worthy of writing about, I get bored with constant thoughts of ME after a while.

Time for a break. Time to rethink. Time to find subjects multifaceted to enlighten my presence.

Time to go back to my roots through living in today.

Rollercoaster

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In the movie Parenthood, the wise old grandmother compares family life to a roller coaster ride in such a sweet and convincing way. I do agree with her but it’s not always the kind of ride where your stomach gets those fun tingly sensations that make you giddy. Sometimes the ride moves around with such jolts of force that it actually produces the bit of vomit in the back of your throat. Yuck.

Between the emotions of committing and growing in a seventeen year relationship with a spouse, the unconditional joys and challenges of parenthood, and the successes and hiccups in a career – my roller coaster ride flips back-and-forth from the kind of excitement that makes you put your hands up in the air while flying around the curves to getting dangerously close to the whole damn thing coming off the tracks and crashing into the concrete a hundred feet below.

It doesn’t take much to switch tracks either.

I started off the day running late and beating myself up for doing so. I went on to have an amazing day meeting even more incredible women and getting a chance to learn how to advance in a career where I can actually help spread arts and culture to as many children as the school district will allow. From there I caught a glimpse of what would happen if that all went away and I was back at working in just a job. Once home, I was met with one child who may be getting a cold and another in her first ever dance recital costume.

Now, I am trying to chill out in bed while posting and watching the finale of Dancing with the Stars. It’s exhausting for my body, mind and spirit to constantly be on a ride where I never know if I am going to shriek with a child-like bliss at the unknown climbs and drops or scream in terror because I just cannot take another down-turn or twisting loop.

Tonight I affirm that where ever I am on my journey, it is exactly where I am supposed to be. I believe that I have called into my life each and every experience that my soul needs to evolve and heal. I also understand that as I call people and events into my life, so am I called into others’ adventures in evolution and healing.

And, I know now that everything is divinely perfect for all of us.