Dallas – 27 Pittsburgh – 17 … Ah, nice …

This is not a prediction of today’s game.  This is the score from Superbowl XXX where we won our third Superbowl in four years AND finally beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Big Game.  Those were the days …

I can say “our” because I consider myself part of the team – the perpetual team of fans.  I have watched, rooted, cheered and cried with the ‘Boys for as long as I can remember.  Having been raised in Texas, it was not only part of my family’s tradition, I’m pretty sure we had classes about it in school.

I cannot speak of the other Superbowls with the Steelers for obvious reasons.  (True fans will understand…)

I’ve often wondered what it is about the Cowboys and football that I love so much.  I do not watch any other sport with such enjoyment, vigor and personal connection.  Is it just the history of always having watched them play on Sundays in the Fall with my family?  One of my early dates with my husband was watching the disappointing Cowboys vs. Lions  in  Today’s playoff game in January 1992.  I knew I could spend the rest of my life with this man once I discovered his blood ran as blue and silver as mine did.

But why does my blood run blue and silver?  To begin with, I am a girl.  This is not meant to be sexist but in general, football fans – especially those who know the difference between offsides and false start  – don’t have breasts.  Well, at least not ones that were meant to serve milk.  Women have only been granted full access to the game within my generation as far as being able to play at the younger level and media coverage.  Other than my mother, I have no close female role model for loving the game of football as much as I do.

Speaking of, there is an interesting study in and of itself.  My mother was born and raised in Pittsburgh, PA.  She and her best friend moved to Waco, Texas where she met and married my father in 1963.  It must be like a religion, because from all accounts, she converted to Cowboyism for my father and is about as die-hard of a fan as you’ll find.  (See attached photo of our family – it was her idea to wear the Cowboy shirts.)

But let me not digress too far from the point I was trying to discover.

I read somewhere, sometime that people love football because it instinctively reminds of our warrior days without the actual blood loss and death toll.  Again, being a peaceful, haiku-writing, anti-war featherweight who cannot understand why the referees let them fight so long in hockey, you would think that following golf or tennis would be more my style.

And yet, tennis makes my neck hurt and I believe golf would be much better served if the golfer is under constant threat of a tackle by a 6’5″, 375 pound d-lineman before whacking that tiny ball with his stick.  Don’t you?  At least that way it would help better me fight off the urge to nap than I am able to with the soft spoken tones of the golf announcer.

All of this is to say that I really, really, REALLY hope the Cowboys beat the snot out of the Steelers today.  I think they have the power and the might, even if Marion-the-Barbarian is out and D-Ware is playing with a hyper-extended left knee.  Romo has the eyes and the pinkie to connect with any one of our many receiving weapons – TO, Williams, Witten, Crayton, Austin, and I’m pretty sure T-Choice will surprise us all and have a great game. Ole Ben might need to get back on his motorcycle to avoid the pressure that is coming at him today and Polamalu will need to keep his hair out of the way if he wants any chance at covering our guys.

So, here’s to today’s game – raise your glass, melt that queso and get your popcorn ready — Cowboys 27, Pittsburgh 17…

Todaro family extension

Todaro family extension

ABOMO – Take Two

Forgive me, Universe.  It’s been many months since my last post.  I lost track.  I got scared.  Who was reading you?  Would they say something to me?  What am I writing about?  Why am I writing?  I know, a cardinal sin for a writer to commit – questioning the purpose of words on a page.

So, I began an affair.  I have been putting parts of myself out onto Facebook where I know there are people who love me.  It’s easier in a comfort zone to be consistent about updates and sound-bites for status. There is a limit to characters on what anyone is doing or feeling or saying.  A false freedom amidst conveniently confined posts.

All the while, backlogs of emotions, tirades, deeper meanings, hidden truths, soap-box rants, totally biased opinions and eviseratingly verbose releases have taken their toll on the previous deconstruction of my impenetrable great wall.  The wall has subtly begun a phoenix-like rise among the disconnected pieces of my life.

This is not to say that my life is going badly or that it sucks.  Quite the contrary – there are more wonderful things today than there ever have been:

  • A loving family with two beautiful, healthy and intelligent children who continue to amaze me everyday.
  • A marriage and relationship that continues to withstand the tests of time, monotony, and the daily grind.
  • A new puppy!
  • Enduring, evolving, reconnecting with old and finding new friendships.
  • A career shift and definable boost in opportunity and growth.
  • The most historical Presidential campaign and election many generations have ever seen!  (Yeah!!)

Exciting stuff, right?!  It is and I am truly more grateful than I have ever been.

Do you hear it?

“And yet…”

Can you decipher the buried grumbling?

“But still…”

It’s not much, but it’s there – aching body parts, restless sleep, disproportionate reactions to relatively insignificant incidents, and selective bouts of the dreaded lack-n-worry combination.

“Will there be enough money for Christmas AND the new air conditioner we need for the house?”

“Why is my body doing that, now, after all I’ve done to try and repair it?”

“When will there ever be time to accomplish everything I am supposedly, supposed to to accomplish in one waking day?  Nurturing and caring for the kids, being present with my husband, focusing on work, cleaning the house, walking the dog, spiritual ritual, give/receive love, dance class, swim practice, washing my car, Christmas shopping, balancing the checkbook, homework upkeep, keeping in touch with my friends and family, volunteering, grocery shopping, cooking, eating, participating in the democratic process, sleeping, exercising my body, resuming my theater career, being brutally honest with the universe, updating Facebook, developing the perfect haiku, and writing my ever existent, constantly neglected blog.”

Are there really, truly, honestly humans out there that actually DO all of these things and check off the day as a success without yelling, crying, screaming and/or whining?  Seriously?!  Where the hell are they?  Can they show me a fool-proof way to get it done that doesn’t involve adding one more $^&@ing thing to the schedule?  NO reading books or attending group therapy?!  Forget the cliches, Nike slogans and fear-mongering!  I won’t take drugs, toast away the blues, or hire a nanny/housekeeper/counselor/accountant/gigolo/spiritual adviser/handy man.

Whew!

Dear Santa – How are you?  I hope you have had a great year with the Mrs. and all your elfin companions.  This is Kathleen.  I am 41 years old this year and, by all accounts, have been very good.  I have been honest and worked hard all year for myself and my family.  I even got a promotion at work!  Sometimes, I forget how great my life is and my feelings get hurt.  And then, sometimes, when my feelings are hurt, I am not very nice to those that I love and cherish.  I wish I didn’t do that.  I wish I was happy all of the time and everyone knew it.  So, this year, all I really want for Christmas is to TRULY BELIEVE I am whole, safe and loved. That is all – Wholeness, Safety and Love.  Thanks, Santa – if anyone can get this for me, I know you can.  ;o)  Love, Kathleen

P.S.  If you happen to have a really cool black leather designer handbag that perfectly fits my style and personality, I’ll take that, too…

Nearly a month

It’s been nearly a month since I last posted – thank goodness I am using the free version of wordpress!

It’s not that I don’t think about writing in here, it’s just that I have somehow gotten lost again. My life fills up with so many daily things that I chose to perceive as more important or burdens or tiresome, that I leave out time for the things I need to do in order to keep my soul creating.

There are many things that fill my days that I am blessed to have – mainly my family. I love my kids and being with them. What drags me down is the constant need to wake-up, get breakfast, get ready, work, pick-up, make dinner, clean dishes, force bedtime, veg-out. The variety in my day is lacking a bit and I have come to a place in my life where I believe I only draw into my life experiences those life experiences that confirm the life experiences I focus on.

The challenge is to break the cycle of misperception about my life experiences that I focus on.

The truth is that waking up every day is an amazing event. I have air in my lungs, I have sunlight in my eyes, and I have the opportunity to enjoy my life anew – every morning I wake up.

Today I wore contacts for the very first time in my life EVER. I was only allowed to wear them for six hours until my eyes get used to having a foreign body on them, but it was wonderful. For the first time in my memorable history, I could see all around in clear focus. With glasses since kindergarten, my world vision has always been framed – literally. There is no such thing as clear, peripheral vision with glasses – everything beyond the edges of the frames is blurry. It was something I never really thought about until I decided to try a new way, one with 360 degrees of sight.

Not only is that the truth, but it is exactly how I have been living my life. I have put frames around everything I see, do, think, touch, feel – making it impossible to experience clarity outside of those limitations. I never understood that was how I have been living my life because I had not tried any other way.

Until now. I have removed some of the frames that bound areas of my life. I am trying a little more each day to loose more old frames and look all around me to see the perfect reality that I am blessed to live in.

It is quite an experience in-and-of-itself – allowing me to see my life for what it is and loving every minute of it.