personal

Losing regularity

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Not sure how long I thought I could actually keep up writing something here every night, but it lasted a little over two weeks. It appears as though the IBS that rules my intestines also affects my writing discipline, too. Depending on the trigger, I struggle to contend with either constipation or diarrhea – both of which can be incredibly painful and attack like a silent ninja.

Finding the right balance of stool softener or imodium for the creative talents is just as frustrating. Opening up a portal to self-publish to the world (whether or not anyone actually reads it) jump started my activity to writing almost anything. But one long day working in the realm that exists outside this digital world stopped almost all ability to push forth any new thoughts.

It seems that I have more evidence to backup my belief that I will continue to recreate patterns in my life to heal.  Who could have guessed that a fourth degree laceration during child birth and subsequent issues would parallel so well with the deeper parts of my creative struggle?

I don’t want this to become just a daily journal. Not that my daily existence isn’t worthy of writing about, I get bored with constant thoughts of ME after a while.

Time for a break. Time to rethink. Time to find subjects multifaceted to enlighten my presence.

Time to go back to my roots through living in today.

Rollercoaster

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In the movie Parenthood, the wise old grandmother compares family life to a roller coaster ride in such a sweet and convincing way. I do agree with her but it’s not always the kind of ride where your stomach gets those fun tingly sensations that make you giddy. Sometimes the ride moves around with such jolts of force that it actually produces the bit of vomit in the back of your throat. Yuck.

Between the emotions of committing and growing in a seventeen year relationship with a spouse, the unconditional joys and challenges of parenthood, and the successes and hiccups in a career – my roller coaster ride flips back-and-forth from the kind of excitement that makes you put your hands up in the air while flying around the curves to getting dangerously close to the whole damn thing coming off the tracks and crashing into the concrete a hundred feet below.

It doesn’t take much to switch tracks either.

I started off the day running late and beating myself up for doing so. I went on to have an amazing day meeting even more incredible women and getting a chance to learn how to advance in a career where I can actually help spread arts and culture to as many children as the school district will allow. From there I caught a glimpse of what would happen if that all went away and I was back at working in just a job. Once home, I was met with one child who may be getting a cold and another in her first ever dance recital costume.

Now, I am trying to chill out in bed while posting and watching the finale of Dancing with the Stars. It’s exhausting for my body, mind and spirit to constantly be on a ride where I never know if I am going to shriek with a child-like bliss at the unknown climbs and drops or scream in terror because I just cannot take another down-turn or twisting loop.

Tonight I affirm that where ever I am on my journey, it is exactly where I am supposed to be. I believe that I have called into my life each and every experience that my soul needs to evolve and heal. I also understand that as I call people and events into my life, so am I called into others’ adventures in evolution and healing.

And, I know now that everything is divinely perfect for all of us.

Amazing Women

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I was introduced to a number of amazing Women tonight in the strangest of circumstances.

I attended an event in order to meet someone who may present a program for an organization I volunteer with. The event was all the way across our large metroplex and I honestly didn’t feel like making the trek, but I had made the commitment, so I went.

Thank God I did.

I met a woman who co-founded an organization “to preserve the oral histories, discoveries, and accomplishments of women explorers.” She was humble and very gracious.

I learned about the lives and missions of two of these explorers – one who helps the world reshape the way to take care of the ecosystems we live in from the treetops and one who does so through the eye of a rain forest jaguar. They were both passionate, witty and extremely willing to share their experiences to help us all see ways to protect our Earth.

I also met a woman who has raised millions of dollars over the past twenty years to provide arts and cultural experiences for probably just as many young people in our area. She was kind and generous with her time.

I am not fully sure yet why I have been given the honor of meeting these women, but I have some ideas.

The women I met are:

Milbry Polk – Executive Director and Co-Founder of Wings Worldquest and author of Women of Discovery. http://www.wingsworldquest.org

Margaret Lowman – A pioneer in the science of canopy ecology and author of Life in the Treetops. http://www.canopymeg.com

Dalia Amor-Conde – A Landscape Ecologist studying the dynamics of the deforestation of the Mayan jungle through its top predator, the jaguar.

Ginger Head – Founder/Executive Director of the Imagination Celebration Fort Worth. http://www.icfw.org

Amazing…