I used to have this beautiful gold necklace. It was a gift in honor of a very sacred occasion. It was given to me, for me on that special day out of love and pride. I cherished it. I was still very young and I wore it most of the time for about as long as I can remember.
Then, at some point, I lost it.
I have no idea how it happened and it was long while, I would guess, before I even realized it was gone. I went to put it on one day and it wasn’t there. I searched everywhere – it’s not like I have a lot of jewelry or many places I would have kept it.
It was just gone.
It made me very sad.
It still makes me sad.
I reactivate my search efforts every now and then thinking it will show up or reappear out of some blissful magic.
It never does.
Most days I don’t think about it. Yet, on the days I do, I can almost pinpoint the place I last saw it. It was on top of the medicine chest in our apartment in Manhattan. Hidden away from sight. Not sure why it was put it up there, but I think it was and now I see it in my mind’s eye laying there covered in dust and cobwebs. Almost lonely from not being worn, the gold glistening so hard in the harsh light of the bathroom hoping somebody will notice it and rescue it from its obscured, lost place.
Then, if my thoughts are extra fierce that day of regenerated seeking, the internal argument begins.
“You should just let it go – you’re never going to find it again. It’s gone.”
“But what if was accidentally put it in that old black leather bag I carried then? Maybe it is stuck in the side zipper pocket?”
“Did you check there?”
“You know I did.”
“And was it there?”
“You know it wasn’t. Maybe it got stuck in between – ”
“Why can’t you accept that it may be just be gone?”
“See – even you said – ‘may be gone‘ – that sounds like there is room for hope!”
“There is always room for hope, my dear. In this case, you may need to switch that hope into to finding a new necklace.”
“But I didn’t find this one – it was given to me as a gift.”
“So, you’ll get another gift that is just as special.”
“That is not possible.”
“Well, who’s leaving out hope now?”
Needless to say, I don’t like losing things. I have enough brain chatter going on without adding the constant anguish of not knowing where something is. Or if it even still exists.
So, if by some chance of fate, you are reading this from your second floor brownstone apartment on the upper east side of Manhattan, 89th and Lex, check above the medicine cabinet, will ya?
If you find a small gold crucifix, shoot me an email, please?
If there is nothing there, well, honestly not sure what I would do with that information…