Am I just not a good parent?

I don’t know if it’s the holidays and my uber-high expectations of what they should be for a family, or if it is the impending financial doom my overworked and under nourished brain keep telling me I am headed for each time I swipe my debit card for yet ONE MORE gift.  Or maybe I am just not a nice person to start with and so when this viral negativity scene begins invading my body on a cellular level – how am I supposed to be able to handle two kids under the age of ten who have absolutely no interest in actually choosing gifts for others that I cannot possibly know what the perfect present may be in a cluster-f^@ked crowded store the Sunday before Christmas?

Clearly, I am not thinking clearly.

Does anyone with two kids, a tight family budget, 40-hour a week job that swing shifts on occasion with her spouse’s and little or no outlet for cranial pressure?

I do not want to be a whiner – one of those people who is not grateful for all the freaking blessings they have but there is little doubt that is exactly what I sound like!

I am re-meeting a great number of friends from my wild and theatrical times as well as those dating back to pre-high school and I have begun the ancient human tradition of comparing my life to what I perceive to be theirs.  Some are living fantastically bohemian lives in the greatest city on earth.  Others are taking fabulous trips to far away lands communing with the most awesome of nature’s creatures.  Mostly I am not really seeing anyone else in the death grips of parenting peril that I seem to have cornered myself into.  Even my own spouse and best friend are embarking on new musical journeys that are extremely promising given their individual and combined talents.

And here I sit – a’wallowing in a made-up mire of mayhem and monstrous envy writing a blog after getting so angry at my children’s apparent lack of adulthood that I threatened to return every gift I had purchased for them and email Santa to do the same.  Not exactly Donna Reed or Claire Huxtable, huh?  Probably closer to Joan Crawford or Norman’s mom…

And there are still three shopping days left…(play sound clip now … )

4 thoughts on “Am I just not a good parent?

    • Thanks – I’m sure once things calm down a bit, the puppy grows up a little more and our checking account balances out, I’ll feel better.
      Plus – what a great discovery while reading the Imperfect Parent – your blog! If I ever think I have it tough with two kids, one beta fish, a hermit crab, and a hubby who works mostly regular hours and is never in harms way – I’ll just flip to your bookmark on my browser!

  1. Thank you for sharing such difficulties with others. I’m not yet a parent and my marriage didn’t survive the jungle, so I live that bohemian lifestyle right now and sometimes I wonder if I’m not a very good person for all the things I’ve screwed up. Then I read things like what you’ve written and remember that we all have our bad moments and that doesn’t make us bad people, just people. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and a blessed new year.

    • Thanks for the comments – glad that you can relate since that is the whole reason I find myself writing these blogs is to see if there is anyone else out there who experiences the same struggles as I seem to. Also, sorry that you can relate – that must mean you’ve felt some of the same pain and frustration I have. What a double-edged cliche life can be, huh? The absolute joys of marriage and relationships and then the utter heartbreak that can happen. I must say though – I’d rather be living it than the alternative…Hope you had a good Christmas, too, and have a great new year filled all of the joy your spirit can withstand!

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