says the monkey to the flying reindeer

“Painful as it might be, tryptophan detox requires steadfast adherence to a philosophical double reverse immediately followed by mint leaves to soothe the rare geographic tongue.”

“Walking a straight line demands precision giraffe roping under the spell of brightly lit fairy dust mites and altruistic space travel in a vacuum.”

“Tears generate cracks befitting mountains created from nothingness derided into marsupials parading as Romulans shaken but not stirring from the truth.”

“My mama done tol’ me,
when I was a good girl
I might get what I want,
but it won’t really matta’
les’n I get what I need.”

“The quality of today’s air level is blackened crayfish with a side of paradoxical antelope.”

“For when one doth attempt to lie amidst
a broken hearted slayer’s deep crevasse,
one must unbreak that which by some untold
impossibly believed once breakable.”

“What you need, see, is one part gilded carousel grease, two parts Mercury saltwater and just a smidge of pterodactyl dung and you got yerself one helluva hangover cure. Or a spontaneously self-combustible poison – I always get those mixed up.”

“Silly Old Bear. He’s bound to get that fat head of his stuck in that God-forsaken honey pot again then beg me to get him out without ripping his bloody stuffing apart.”

“Live. Laugh. Love. Now shut the frack up.”