Now I know out loud what I feared the worst inside.
Not earth-shattering news. Not life changing.
Certainly not assumed as much after all these years.
Not even really a big deal.
Except to me.
When we want so very much, in the deep recesses of our soul, to pour it out and fill it up by whatever means necessary – it can be achingly painful when some of us are not capable of whatever means we choose.
I have moved in someone else’s world and spoken someone else’s words in the deafening silence brought forth by two simple curtains parting to ignite the eternal human back to the shaman’s fire.
I hope to do that again someday.
With my own words, too.
I believe I can on occasion somehow split those demon-fire joyful dimensions happening inside me down to an understandable linguistic form and quite possibly create something beyond my own understanding.
I hope to do it again, only simpler.
And again, only more complex.
And again, only different.
Until I have nothing left of this body.
Until many bodies beyond.
I am a human by day.
I am a writer by soul.
I am a performer by desire.
No, I don’t think I can dance.
Although, that would be simply wonderful.
But I oh-so-very-much wished I could sing.
I am not telling you this to get pity. And, I have the proof, although I have been unable to convert the video to a format uploadabe, so no trying to placate me with that ole familiar “oh, sure you can!” smile on your face.
I am telling you this because that’s what I do.
Telling is what I am.
No need to mention it again, actually.
I will survive.
And very loudly whilst alone in my car, I might add…