says the monkey to the flying reindeer

“Painful as it might be, tryptophan detox requires steadfast adherence to a philosophical double reverse immediately followed by mint leaves to soothe the rare geographic tongue.”

“Walking a straight line demands precision giraffe roping under the spell of brightly lit fairy dust mites and altruistic space travel in a vacuum.”

“Tears generate cracks befitting mountains created from nothingness derided into marsupials parading as Romulans shaken but not stirring from the truth.”

“My mama done tol’ me,
when I was a good girl
I might get what I want,
but it won’t really matta’
les’n I get what I need.”

“The quality of today’s air level is blackened crayfish with a side of paradoxical antelope.”

“For when one doth attempt to lie amidst
a broken hearted slayer’s deep crevasse,
one must unbreak that which by some untold
impossibly believed once breakable.”

“What you need, see, is one part gilded carousel grease, two parts Mercury saltwater and just a smidge of pterodactyl dung and you got yerself one helluva hangover cure. Or a spontaneously self-combustible poison – I always get those mixed up.”

“Silly Old Bear. He’s bound to get that fat head of his stuck in that God-forsaken honey pot again then beg me to get him out without ripping his bloody stuffing apart.”

“Live. Laugh. Love. Now shut the frack up.”


April 22, 2011 – homunculus me

tiny broken parts of myself
filter through chameleon blender
generating giant wedges
of splintered humanity
sputtering spasmodically
in time with tightly
wound clock.

edges ruffled stiff from worry
enhanced by conspicuous clamor
manifesting savage villains
in twisted exhibition
trespassing manipulation
of gut kept hushed in
lean trust.

eyelids flutter closed to protect
fortress from infiltration brigade
devastating native flora
and cornered protozoa
zigzagging deliberately
in case one misses
sure mark.

errant noises fill space around
safety zone supplementing risky
antithesis hidden inside
more formal mechanisms
dividing authenticity
among all who come
near whole.

April 19, 2011 – Off the Grid

I will be going off the grid for approximately 2 1/2 days which is equivalent to about 60 hours straight, at the beginning of May. I am going with my son’s fifth grade class on the annual 3-day camping trip without access to cell service or internet connections.

I was oddly elated at the news. The only thing that has me bummed about it is that I will not be able to call home and talk to my daughter. Even when our kids stay overnight with my folks or my mother-in-law, I make sure to speak to them every day or night. This will be the first time in ten years my daughter and I have not heard each others voices, especially right before bedtime. 😦

Other than that, I am excited to be in nature with my son, will stay in denial about how insane/stinky/claustrophobic it might get with 89 5th graders from our school alone, will suck it up to spend time with parents I wouldn’t normally chose to hang-with, and look forward to meeting the numerous parents I am not acquainted with yet.

It’s not true roughing it as we will be in cabins with bunk beds and air conditioning, catered meals and access to a swimming pool, however, we will learn about limnology, orienteering, forces of nature, terrestrial ecology, and so much more! (Of course, I wasn’t sure what they were talking about on a few of these, but I’m going to do some pre-studying so I can make sure to be smarter than a fifth grader…)

Maybe I’ll even write my post out with something called a “pen” and “paper” although I hear the delete key doesn’t work quite the same as what I am accustomed to using.

April 18, 2011 – Counting Here, There, and Everywhere

“There are many ways to believe about the force we call god…as many ways as there are flower petals, as many ways as there are thoughts.”
~ Stacey, a.k.a., AnyMommy

I read a beautiful post today and while I will not attempt to match the eloquence with which she addressed such an incredibly personal subject, she has made think (among other things) about how we – and by “we”, I mean “I” – quantify belief and faith.

If I have learned at least one thing in my short 43 years, it is that I cannot – literally and figuratively – speak for anyone else unless possibly given a signed, written statement notarized three ways to Sunday, sealed with incontrovertible DNA and a thorough background check. And even then, I would hesitate profusely before attempting it.

Current world population estimates have us near 7 billion humans on Earth. Seven billion. Seven billion hearts beating at their own pace. Seven billion pairs of eyes seeing, or not seeing, the world through a one-of-a-kind vision. An equal amount of ears listening, or not listening, in some way to seven billion voices speaking seven billion different vocal patterns. Seven billion minds contemplating an exponentially larger number of ideas, thoughts and beliefs. Seven billion singularly singular filters processing it all.

To say there is only one way to be a “believer” seems, well, a bit short-sighted, imho.

However, if that is what someone chooses to believe, then I would hope that same someone would offer respect and courtesy to the other 6,999,999,999 humans in regards to their beliefs.

Just saying…